Matrescence: The Version of Me I’m Still Meeting

No one warned me that becoming a mother would feel like becoming a stranger to myself.

Not in a dramatic, movie-moment way — but quietly. Slowly. In the in-between moments where I caught my reflection and didn’t quite recognise the woman looking back. Motherhood didn’t just add a new role to my life. It reshaped me from the inside out.

This transformation has a name: matrescence.

And learning that word helped me exhale for the first time in a long while.

Matrescence is the physical, emotional, hormonal, and identity shift that happens when a woman becomes a mother, and for every child she has, she will experience this shift again. It’s as significant as adolescence — yet rarely spoken about. And because it’s rarely named, so many of us walk through it feeling confused, ungrateful, or broken.

But the truth is: nothing is wrong with you.

You are becoming.

I’ve grieved for the many versions of myself.

The woman who moved freely through the world without thinking twice.

The woman who had space, time, silence, and spontaneity.

And alongside that grief, there has been guilt. Guilt for missing parts of my old life. Guilt for craving space while loving my children with every fibre of my being. Guilt for not feeling instantly “settled” in this new identity.

Matrescence holds contradictions.

You can love your children fiercely and still mourn who you were.

You can feel grateful and overwhelmed at the same time.

You can feel deeply fulfilled and utterly lost — all in one day.

I am still meeting this version of myself.

Some days, she feels strong, grounded, capable beyond measure. Other days, she feels tender, stretched thin, unsure. She is learning how to care for others without abandoning herself. She is learning that rest is not something to earn, and that her needs matter too.

This season has asked me to soften — not collapse — but soften.

To let go of the idea that I need to “bounce back” or have it all figured out.

To trust that growth doesn’t always look productive or polished.

Motherhood didn’t strip me of who I was.

It expanded me — even when that expansion felt uncomfortable.

Matrescence isn’t about losing yourself. It’s about reintroducing yourself — again and again — as you change. It’s about allowing your identity to be fluid. About making space for the woman you were, the mother you are, and the person you are still becoming.

If you’re in this season and you feel untethered, I want you to hear this:

You are not behind.

You are not failing.

You are not ungrateful.

You are in a profound transition.

Be gentle with yourself as you learn this new language of motherhood. Speak to yourself the way you would to a dear friend — with patience, compassion, and warmth. You don’t need to rush to “find yourself.” You are right here, unfolding.

I am still meeting this version of me.

And I am learning to honour her — exactly as she is.